How I Learned To Snicker In A Movie Theater… Wolverine

You won't see this Deadpool, not yet anyhow.

You won't see this Deadpool, not yet anyhow.

If there was anything that was going to bring me out of my little hiatus from writing, it was probably going to be a comic book movie, and folks… I guess I waited for the right one to spew about.

The movie of course, is “XMEN ORIGINS: Wolverine” which is a bad sign because that is 20th Century Fox’s way of saying “We can always make more America!”

I probably could have gone to see this at the midnight premeire Thursday night, but I really didn’t want to because quite honestly, most Wolverine fans have the fashion sense of an overweight Brett Micheals and frankly the only bad mutton chops, cowboy boots and hats I can stand are from the leading character here.

Why the dislike for the clawed one? Why not? Someone around here has to play the devil’s advocate, and it just seems like every 15 to 40 year old virgin who still think Dogg the Bounty Hunter is cool just can’t let this character go….

So here’s a shocker for you… Wolverine is the Britney Spears of superheroes. He’s overrated. He has a crappy origin that wasn’t even explained until the 90′s and it wasn’t because Marvel comics was holding onto some big important origin, it was because they just didn’t have one, they created a viseral looking character who was Stone Cold Steve Austin before Steve Austin was… Case in point, they broke comic book character law by not making a real origin for him… later they added on this Weapon X bullsh** so we would all think he is some great tortured character and blah blah blah. And then they made a movie of it.

He heals. (Great) He has claws (Great) and he’s indestructable (Great)… He’s every 13 year old who ever got beat up in school’s wet dream. Which leads me to believe there was a lot of you kids getting beat up in school, because why this guy is the number one hero of all time is beyond me.

But hey… I’m a comic guy. I’ve read these books. It’s my schtick. So my question to the movie makers is… If a guy who thinks Wolverine is a word that rhymes with Budussy can stop and read the Wolvie and Xmen comics… why can’t the movie people stop and read Xmen comics? I mean did any of you decide to crack open a book just slightly?

Of course Rob Liefield has been loving the movie on twitter. I’m sure it’s because he co created the Deadpool character and is probably getting great royalties off of it, but if I was him, I would be pissed off at how bad they EFFED up Wade Wilson  AKA Deadpool. I’d be mad at half the things they messed up, I mean without giving much away, it’s almost as bad as making Galactus a cloud in the Silver Surfer disaster. (Oh we didn’t forget about you FF!)

So in short (and you will notice that this movie isn’t much discussed because frankly there are other sites out there to tell you the damn plot) I’ll tell you what this is good for…

Good for:

Chilling out for 2 hours

Getting your denim on

Seeing the same fight over and over (Wolverine: “I’m going to kill you! ROAR!” charges at opponent, gets knocked down, repeat)

Not Good For:

Deep Thought

Expecting another Iron Man or Dark Knight

Deadpool fans (unless your name rhymes with Seinfeld and you like people runining your character)

-Timothy Danger /

Posted By Timothy Danger

Comments are closed.