Posts Tagged ‘American Idol’

The Dangerzone: Fatty Learns How “Reality” Really Works

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Tim Danger and the BG Crew 2011

(Before people get mad, let me remind you I already know I am a big dude, so I can say what I want.)

So check this out…

Ashley Kauffman and her friends were super stoked to get free front row tickets to see this ultra realistic show about real talent and hard work called “American Idol”.

You know that show right? It’s all about helping struggling real musicians earn their way to their big break by hard work and songwriting (I’m being a satirical ass).

Anyway… Ashley gets stopped by the staff and is told she is “too big, too heavy” to be in the front row and she was banished to the back row. Then when she tried to make her way to the 2nd row… she was stopped again and told she couldn’t be with the “skinny girls” and her spot was taken by two “super skinny girls” in little dresses.

Ashley wants an apology from the show. She wants everyone to know how she was treated.

Congratulations Ashley. Welcome to Hollywood, reality TV and all that jazz. You are the weakest link…. So what… you were selected to not be on camera because of your size. You’re a fan of the show, did you ever see any uglies up front? No… did you think this time was going to be different?

Let me let you in on a little secret…

American Idol= pop music. Pop music= Popular Music. Popular Music = spoon-fed crap.

Did you for a second think that the show that is just a popularity contest and not a real singing contest and in no way scientific was going to let you taint their image by being in the front row? I dont know how to break it to you kid, but the entertainment industry that you love to follow is filled with this impossible standards regular people have been fighting for years, just because you have always been on the other side (the home audience) and have never experienced the rules and cut throat policies they have is really not Idol’s problem.

The thing is, you probably won’t hear a response from them because IDOL knows this will blow over. They are a multi million dollar machine that cranks out pre made rock stars and they have weathered way bigger controversies than this one.

We can’t blame IDOL, we have only ourselves to blame. I had a simliar situation in the ninties in South Padre Island when we went to the taping of MTV’s spring break. They said our mohawks and tattoos were not what MTV wanted to portray (but if we had shitty jock tribal tattoos that would be ok) So we scaled the wall anyway, I think some obscure one hit wonder was playing I don’t know… But you see it all the time… I mean look at any reality show, you never see the Bachelor picking a big one, or most magazines will have incredibly petite women plastered all over them.

And before people start calling me mean or insensitive.. let me let you in on a little secret. I’m not a small man. Nope… I’m a beer swilling, steak eating, carb loadin’ son of a bitch and I love it. I am a large man, and I have become comfortable in the ogre’s body that the big guy upstairs saw it a laughing joke I should be with. And that’s fine, because I know, if I wanted to, I would diet, or make some drastic change and do it if I thought that would be something I wanted. But I don’t. I am not a member of the blue ribbon committee. I like to be reminded of my faults because the world is a cruel cold dark place, and none of us are sheltered forever.

I don’t play pop music. I play real music. I don’t have pop fans. I have real fans. Being comfortable with my size has let me do ok in life, and in affairs in the heart. I don’t get every girl, but I do good, and the one I really like, well I’ll win her over with my boyish charm (aka awful disposition for life). The thing is, we punch our weight (ohh bad pun) we do what we can, and we dont petition to demand to be let into some club that won’t have us. Screw that club. We start our own and go for it.

That’s reality. Welcome to the real world toots. Now shake it off and go live life.