Duke Nukem Forever by 2K Games

Recently I was lucky enough to take part in the Gearbox release of Duke Nukem Forever. I remember this being the first computer game that I played as a young 8 year old gal. My Dad’s best friend had it on his IMB/PC , and each time we paid him a visit I would beg for him to let me get my game on. This assembly of my body and his computer convened regularly till I was 11.

It was no surprise to me that a new Duke Nukem was coming out this year. I was excited, thrilled and quivered with anticipation at the fact I’d get to be holding my stick hailing to the “King???, once again, but in 3D!!

I agree with those who say that the palpability that DNF actually made it to my local game store is an attestation of the industry’s insistence. I’m all about games in 3D, assuming they’re done in the style I can enjoy. Well, after being at the release party, and playing this game before the general public I stopped quivering and started groaning with disappointment. Really, I won’t be dazed if this game is definitely remembered as one of the biggest let downs of this year if not years. Let me break it down with the whys:

Controls:
Anyone familiar with shooter games should have no concerns with getting right into the game. The basic button employments are alright in regard to running and jumping, but the aiming pissed me off more than ever. There’s an obnoxious lassitude with Duke’s aiming. I’m not braggin; but I do well with shooters, especially well and tend to be accurate. Using Duke’s crosshair aim is pretty pointless and anesthetized. I found this out in just the first few minutes of the game.

Gameplay:
The game seems to take place maybe a decade later with the aliens back to have their vengeance by pilfering Earth’s [presumably] hot women. It’s pretty ridiculous and this storyline lost my interest quickly with my want to push forward to the next level.

Speaking of pushing forward; instead of progressing on from one stage to another, the shooting segments are copiously separated and had me roaming around aimlessly trying to find the next clue. I hate that, it turned boring, fast!

Busy Gamer Gamette Taffeta Darling

Again I found myself forcing the momentum. There’s some subjection to awfully long loading times when Duke runs out of his “Ego??? [HP] during fighting sequences. Not to mention the hiding and waiting for those health points to power back up. I thought the fact that Duke has to run and hide to wait for his “Ego??? to boost up was pretty lame, not so fearless. Now, there are some interesting [not so much enjoyable] skirmishes, including the bout with the Alien Queen, which again, is pointless and tedious. However; it does lead to an awkward and unsettling lap dance. The rest I won’t spoil, I’ll let you pick out highlights for yourself, if you make it that far.

Art Design/Graphic Styling:
Obviously they’ve jolted the graphics up on this version, but it no way stands on common ground with the likes of modern day shooters. It preserves the visual aspect of first generation xBox titles. It reminded me of a motion comic that had little variation to the maps. Even the Titty City of Las Vegas failed in detail, most uninspiring.

The voice acting isn’t too bad. I mean, I met the guy who does the voice and I totally got into his shtick. He has good energy and passion for the role. But alas, the over the top one-lines are either lifeless or in bad taste.

Moving on to bad taste:
When Duke accidentally kills a woman, he makes a remark which I thought was inappropriate and somewhat tasteless. There is another stage when Duke stumbles upon two ladies and they beg for their lives. Instead of saving them, he gives them a stupid explicit filled pun and watched them explode. I’m no prude and can play hard with the rest of the ballers but there is a point at which my liberal mind says “Just stop, dude???.

It is my opinion, and it is only an opinion; that Duke Nukem Forever is for neophyte gamers looking for mindless play. After 15 years of anticipation, hype and months of facebook posting; this game finally dropped and I’m totally sorry that I picked it up.

Duke Nukem has become his own lampoon and I can’t imagine this “relic??? being good for any era.

The Taffeta Darling
www.curvesandcomics.blogspot.com
www.thetaffetadarling.com

BG Crew with Pax Gamette Lhars Steck, Ross Steck and Rob Welkner of Coin-Op TV.

Well, the Reckon Crew made it back to Texas in more or less one piece but thanks to a bout of “Nerd Flu??? (for which I am totally blaming Rob Welkner) I’ve been a bit out of it since getting back on Lone Star soil. But never fear, dear readers, because we have returned with news of the sights we’ve seen and games we’ve played. Over the course of the next few days, we’ll be posting up interviews and previews.

Before we begin those, however, I thought we’d do a quick list of things that really caught our eye or caught us off guard. PAX Prime was an overwhelming amount of gaming goodness with some very nice surprises and a few major disappointments. Below you’ll find the quick and dirty version of what we found to be the best… and the worst.

Biggest PAX Prime Surprise: Duke Nukem Forever. Seriously. Even the guys from Penny Arcade didn’t know this one was going to be there and after 13 years of false starts, screen shots, reported delays, and the rumor that the game was total vaporware, Take Two Games and Gearbox caught the entire convention off guard with their Duke Nukem booth. As I walked by the sign on day one, I thought someone was out of their mind to play a joke like that but the whole thing was on the up and up and the demo was playable. Throw in the fact that the wait was almost two hours to get in for the demo and no one from Take Two/Gearbox was mangled by anyone and that tells me it was legit. There was so much we were scheduled for that we didn’t get the chance to check it out but everyone was raving about it so we’ll be keeping an eye out for it.

Tron Evolution The Game - Photo By Mitch Ahrens

Biggest PAX Prime Letdown: I’m a Final Fantasy fan so I was really looking forward to the playable demo of Final Fantasy XIV. The problem here was that even though I was prepared for the inevitable fact that it was going to be another MMO version of the franchise, I had hoped for some improvements over the last MMO entry. I was disappointed. I’m certain there will be some “polishing??? before it is released but it was hard not to get the “been there, done that??? feeling from the demo. I wasn’t a fan of Final Fantasy XI and it doesn’t appear much has changed from that rendition. Unless there’s a major overhaul before the release, I’m going to be giving this one a pass.

Game from PAX Prime most likely to be enjoyed by the Reckon Crew while drinking: This one was an easy choice. Slam Bolt Scrappers from Fire Hose Games is one of the most chaotic (and enjoyable) games we sampled at PAX. Scrappers is a mashup of strategy and brawling with a touch of Tetris thrown in for flavor. With a multiplayer versus mode as well as a co-op mode, Slam Bolt Scrappers may find its way into our drinking games soon after its launch at the beginning of next year.

Best PAX Prime After Party: Hands down, the guys from EVE Online have the market cornered on After Parties. Last year they went all out but this year they managed to top even that epic party. There were fire twirlers and eaters along with cute girls dressed up in leather and lace dancing the night away. Of course, all this awesome comes with a price and that price, when figuring in the open bar, is the largest collection of “white boy??? dances you can imagine. Aside from the horror of watching some of the most uncoordinated drunkards across the world congregated in one place dancing off-rhythm, CCP Games knows how to throw a mixer and may very well hold a special place in the Reckon Crew’s hearts for a long time to come.

Chatting it up with the Devs from Fallen Earth.

Best PAX WTF Moment: We drink. Seriously, I mean that. When we imbibe, people who try to keep up with us often end up hiding from us. We’re also good at getting into places we’re not meant to be when we’ve been drinking. So there was a moment when we realized at one party that we had made a beeline for the VIP area, made it in, and proceeded to get sloshed off the free booze. It was only after about an hour that we realized where we were and there was a look that passed between the Reckon Crew with no one daring to ask how we had ended up where we were. There was a loudly proclaimed “WTF???? once we had left which lead to laughter… Shenanigans continued.

Best PAX “Where the hell have I been???? moment: Nestled amongst one of the noisiest corners of PAX Prime was the developers of a little gem called “Fallen Earth???. Admittedly, we’d heard of the game early last year but we’d failed to follow up on it and we’d not really thought of it since then. Sitting down with one of the crew from Icarus Studios LLC, we were introduced to one of the most lovingly crafter MMOs I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing. Set in a post apocalyptic world, this game has some of the features I’ve always wanted to see in an MMO. There’s also a real passion among its developers to create a unique world for players to wander about in. We’ll be running an interview with one of the game’s developers and we’re already chomping at the bit to review the game. More to come on this in the near future.

Biggest PAX Fan “Boi??? moment: To say the Reckon Crew is a bunch of Star Wars fans is an understatement. We’re absolutely certain that we collectively know more about the Star Wars universe than some of the writers who have worked with George Lucas on the EU books. So it was with a very critical eye that we approached the Bioware booth and proceeded to get our fill of the playable demo. The graphics were gorgeous, the actions and skills were smoothly animated, and there may or may not have been a moment when I loudly made the sound of a young girl presented with a birthday present of a real live unicorn. Those of you who are as critical of Star Wars’ games as we may rejoice should the final product be anything like what we witnessed at PAX.

There it is in the briefest of glimpses into our experience of PAX Prime. As I stated earlier, we will be presenting much more from our visit to the Mecca of gaming conventions as well as introducing our official PAX Gamette in the coming days… so sty tuned.

Gritskrieg – End of Line

All photos by Mitch Ahrens 2010.