Duke Nukem Forever by 2K Games

Recently I was lucky enough to take part in the Gearbox release of Duke Nukem Forever. I remember this being the first computer game that I played as a young 8 year old gal. My Dad’s best friend had it on his IMB/PC , and each time we paid him a visit I would beg for him to let me get my game on. This assembly of my body and his computer convened regularly till I was 11.

It was no surprise to me that a new Duke Nukem was coming out this year. I was excited, thrilled and quivered with anticipation at the fact I’d get to be holding my stick hailing to the “King???, once again, but in 3D!!

I agree with those who say that the palpability that DNF actually made it to my local game store is an attestation of the industry’s insistence. I’m all about games in 3D, assuming they’re done in the style I can enjoy. Well, after being at the release party, and playing this game before the general public I stopped quivering and started groaning with disappointment. Really, I won’t be dazed if this game is definitely remembered as one of the biggest let downs of this year if not years. Let me break it down with the whys:

Controls:
Anyone familiar with shooter games should have no concerns with getting right into the game. The basic button employments are alright in regard to running and jumping, but the aiming pissed me off more than ever. There’s an obnoxious lassitude with Duke’s aiming. I’m not braggin; but I do well with shooters, especially well and tend to be accurate. Using Duke’s crosshair aim is pretty pointless and anesthetized. I found this out in just the first few minutes of the game.

Gameplay:
The game seems to take place maybe a decade later with the aliens back to have their vengeance by pilfering Earth’s [presumably] hot women. It’s pretty ridiculous and this storyline lost my interest quickly with my want to push forward to the next level.

Speaking of pushing forward; instead of progressing on from one stage to another, the shooting segments are copiously separated and had me roaming around aimlessly trying to find the next clue. I hate that, it turned boring, fast!

Busy Gamer Gamette Taffeta Darling

Again I found myself forcing the momentum. There’s some subjection to awfully long loading times when Duke runs out of his “Ego??? [HP] during fighting sequences. Not to mention the hiding and waiting for those health points to power back up. I thought the fact that Duke has to run and hide to wait for his “Ego??? to boost up was pretty lame, not so fearless. Now, there are some interesting [not so much enjoyable] skirmishes, including the bout with the Alien Queen, which again, is pointless and tedious. However; it does lead to an awkward and unsettling lap dance. The rest I won’t spoil, I’ll let you pick out highlights for yourself, if you make it that far.

Art Design/Graphic Styling:
Obviously they’ve jolted the graphics up on this version, but it no way stands on common ground with the likes of modern day shooters. It preserves the visual aspect of first generation xBox titles. It reminded me of a motion comic that had little variation to the maps. Even the Titty City of Las Vegas failed in detail, most uninspiring.

The voice acting isn’t too bad. I mean, I met the guy who does the voice and I totally got into his shtick. He has good energy and passion for the role. But alas, the over the top one-lines are either lifeless or in bad taste.

Moving on to bad taste:
When Duke accidentally kills a woman, he makes a remark which I thought was inappropriate and somewhat tasteless. There is another stage when Duke stumbles upon two ladies and they beg for their lives. Instead of saving them, he gives them a stupid explicit filled pun and watched them explode. I’m no prude and can play hard with the rest of the ballers but there is a point at which my liberal mind says “Just stop, dude???.

It is my opinion, and it is only an opinion; that Duke Nukem Forever is for neophyte gamers looking for mindless play. After 15 years of anticipation, hype and months of facebook posting; this game finally dropped and I’m totally sorry that I picked it up.

Duke Nukem has become his own lampoon and I can’t imagine this “relic??? being good for any era.

The Taffeta Darling
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